Tag Archives: men

Beauty, Cookies, From Scratch

30 MUSTACHE RIDES: The Official Mustache List

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Well, it's been a while since I've done a good list so here you go. I've noticed a trend that's popped back up, one that hasn't been prevalent so much in our culture since the 70's, you know what I'm talking about... mustaches. Twirl them, comb them, ride them, they're all the same... or so I thought. I have to admit, while I go weak in the knees for facial hair, the one type that always gave me the "there's a child molester breathing down the back of my neck" shivers were mustaches... up until now that is. I see it all the time now, men sporting bare faces with a snuggled upper lip and I have to say... it's kind of turning me on. So I took it upon myself to embrace this new trend of male grooming (because let's face it, any kind of male grooming should be embraced. Am I right ladies?!) and I've compiled the ultimate list! So here it is, the good, the bad and the ugly in MUSTACHES! Hot Mustaches Honorable Mustaches Evil Mustaches DISCLAIMER: I'm not telling every guy out there to grow a mustache just because you can. You need a certain type of face, a certain refinement, and a certain confidence to pull one off correctly. Please see the above examples for good mustaches and bad mustaches.
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Beauty, Cookies, From Scratch, Literature, Music, Sex

COSMO: What I Learned In May 2011

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It must be that time of the month again! My May issue of Cosmopolitan, staring Paramore's Hayley Williams, came in the mail! And as per our agreement, I've thumbed through the countless ads for self-tanner and diet pills to find the very best, this month's issue has to offer! And as per our agreement, you shall read what I have to say. Now go! READ IT! Hayley Williams: Corn Dog of Revenge pg. 46-49 The Rubber-Band Effect pg. 144-147 I Have Orgasms All Day Long pg. 214-215 Sex Moves His Ex Didn't Do pg. 141-143 How Guys Really Feel About Your BO pg. 82 Decode His Texts pg. 256 May Look Book Check out full scans of Hayley's boring interview.
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Beauty, Cookies, Film & TV, From Scratch, Literature, Sex

COSMO: What I Learned In April 2011

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What, can I say? It's been a while. It seems while one of my original From Scratch monthly posts recapping the cockamamie advice of one Cosmopolitan Magazine has been good to me with a plentitude of hits, I have not been very good to it, throwing it to the wayside in exchange for copious amounts of Ke$ha posts. Well I'm sorry, to the Cosmo rag and RadCooks faithfuls alike. I was doing all over you, myself included, a disservice of massive proportions. But don't fret, my duties to the Sex Bible will no longer go untended. What's the change in attitude, say you? Well dear internet-mongers, it's Lent, and as a terrible Catholic and one who's never kept a Lent Resolution (what do you call what you give up for 40 days?) I've decided to turn over a new leaf. I'm not giving anything up this Lent, because that would be counter-productive, instead I'm going to do something. And what shall I do, you ask? I'm going to do reading! It's really quite shameful, I'm a writer, in and out, I write for fun, I write for leisure, I write for pay, I write because I'm always right but I don't read. So I'm going to, at least for the next 40 days (hopefully.) Today I'm reading Cosmo's April edition, cover to cover, even the monthly rape article. I know what you're thinking, Cosmo isn't real reading, well to you I say, baby steps, my friend. Tomorrow I'm hitting Freud's "Three Contributions To The Theory of Sex," but tonight, tonight I read about PC muscles and mildly kinky sex! Without further ado, here's your Cosmo Recap for April 2011 starring Tron: Legacy's Olivia Wilde! Cosmo Cover Girl: Olivia Wilde pg. 48-51 Birth Control Break Down: Why Your Method Sucks, Plus A NEW Condom & Morning After Pill! pg. 162-165 The Sexy Side Of Ovulation pg. 158-159 A Three-Step Guide To The Full Body Orgasm pg. 134 101 Things About Men: ORLY?! pg. 70-73 MacGyver Beauty Tips pg. 203-207 Your Hair Might Look Good, But It Can Also Give You Cancer! pg. 176 Read Olivia Wilde's full article below!
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Beauty, Literature, Music, Science, Sex Ed

COSMO: What I Learned In July 2010

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Here's the long-awaited Cosmo recap for July featuring the stunning, pasties flaunting Shakira. Click the links below to be Cosmo'd! Shakira: Almost A Puff Piece - Pg 22-26
Colombian babies didn't wear shoes and resorted to "sniffing glue so they could forget how hungry they were." (Direct quote)
Cosmetic Vaginal Procedures - Pg 159-161
"Husbands love the peekaboo look" referring the absence of labia minora.
The Complete User's Guide To His Testicles - Pg 112-115
The seam running down the underside of his penis is right on line with the seem on his boys. This spot is uber sensitive and when touched the right way can send his orgasm over the top.
15 Surprising Sex Facts - Pg 105-107
Women with higher levels of oestradiol cheat more often.
Plan B Questions Answered - Pg 156
You can take it up to 72 hours after a lack of or failed contraceptives.
6 Ways To Better Sex - Pg 122
Stop sucking in that tummy when you're doing the dirty. If you do, it restricts breathing, which makes orgasming harder.
Trends For July
Hottest Trend: The Snooki - The munchkin look might be out, but bouffants are very in.
See gallery below for full scans of the Shakira article.
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Beauty, Literature, Music, Science, Sex Ed

COSMO: What I Learned In June 2010

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Here we are again. Another month, another issue of Cosmopolitan, complete with the latest groundbreaking innovations in sex, fashion and everything female. The June issue features Pink in a Iron Man inspired frock. Since it's Spring Time I've decided to add a new featured column to my monthly Cosmo recaps, look for Trends by month! And a 1, 2, 3 and away we go! Click the links below to be Cosmoed! Pink Is A Badass - Pg 46-51
I'm sure her therapist will point out that her parents' turbulent relationship resulted in much of her own problems with her on again, off again husband.
Sex Tips From Guys - Pg 132-135
The Catcher - Ride him, planting your feet on the bed and use his hands as leverage to rock back and forth. This variation will give you more mobility and thrust!
Questions For Your Gyno - Pg 192-195
Can I use yogurt to treat a yeast infection?
The Immaculate Orgasm - Pg 204
Seriously, this is an article in Cosmo, with the cover that boasts, "Orgasm Guaranteed." The guarantee? That you can think you can, think you can you're way to the big O.
What To Change So A Man Will Want You - Pg136-139
He's stressed, we know, so Cosmo suggests putting your feelings on the back burner and being his shoulder to not cry on.
Tall Men vs. Short Men - Pg 81
Tall Men are... Rich - According to Cosmo, "a study" [again with the hard-hitting facts] said for every inch [above "what" we don't know] increases your salary by about $789 a year.
*NEW* Trends For June
Hottest Trend: White on White
See gallery below for full scans of Pink's interview!
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Beauty, Literature, Sex Ed

COSMO: What I Learned In May 2010

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I know, I know. It's almost fucking May and we haven't gotten our fix of monthly What I Learned from Cosmo. It's not my fault. My mother hid my magazine. She seems to keep the faith that my excessive use of the word "fuck" combined with my unabashed dialogue about well... you know, is unbecoming of a lady. Quite possible, but I'm going to do it anyway. I love you mom! (She's really not that old-fashioned, it's just a little game we like to play... or is it?!) Enough with the non sequiturs, here's what you've all been waiting for... my May recap of Cosmo: The Sexy Issue starring Heidi Klum (is she even still relevant? I mean her show's on Lifetime!) Heidi Klum: Why The Fuck Does She Get Everything?! - pg 37
The only thing that sparked a bit of interest was when the writer briefly talked about Klum's relationship with Italian businessman/womanizer extraordinaire, Flavio Briatore, who kicked her ass to curb after less than a year and preggers!
Semen Vitamin Supplements To Come! - pg 210
The researchers then tested the women's emotional status and found that those who didn't use condoms - and had therefore been exposed to semen - were less depressed than those who used protection.
MacGyver Your Sex Life - pg 156
I downloaded the MyVibe app on my friend's iPhone, just to see what it was like (not that way.) Turns out there are 100 different vibes...
How Women Kill Their Sex Drive - pg 192
You usually go on the pill because you're going to be getting busier than a pair of rabbits. However, the hormonal cocktail drops your testosterone production, lowering your libido.
New Things To Try With Your Breasts - pg 215
Breast Tenderness: When you're feeling sore around your period, wrap a refrigerated lettuce leaf around your breasts, leave it there until it wilts.
Indoor Tanning Tax Part Of New Health Care Bill - pg 198
This past winter, the Senate proposed a 10% tax on indoor tanning as part of the new health-care plan... and President Obama later included it in his own version of the bill.
Below are the full scans of Heidi's inspirational interview!
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Beauty, Literature, Sex Ed

ESQUIRE: What I Learned In May 2010

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In the hopes to diversify my glob and in my neverending quest to understand the opposite sex, I've added Esquire Magazine to my monthly What I Learned recaps. I have to say, I'm very pleased with my first men's magazine purchase. Luckily, the first issue I decided to pick up of Esquire is the Women Issue, it must be fate. What I've learned about men's mags, just by flipping through the rag, I do it back to front (I know, I'm an anomaly) is that they're shorter than women's mags, probably because there aren't as many ads, Viagra replaces Plan B spreads and the articles seem to be shorter, more serious and... of course, written by men. I hope you all enjoy these few gems I've taken away from this month's Esquire, here's what I learned! Christina Hendricks' Advice To Men - pg 80
It's the most impressive drink order. It's classic. It's sexy. Such a rich color. The glass, the smell. It's not watered down with fruit juice. It's Scotch. And you ordered it.
Ejaculatory Force: Are You a Shooter or a Dribbler? - pg 46
It's basically like stepping on a hose. The older you get the bigger your prostate gets and it causes pressure on the ejaculatory ducts and then less pressure builds.
Surprising Statistics About Women - pg 76
14% of women masturbate everyday
Love Advice From Barney Stinson - pg 121
Studies have shown the best way to feign interest in what a chick is saying is to silently not your head to 'My Sharona.'
Female to Male Greeting Translator - pg 111
Ever wonder how her many greetings translate? Keep this guide on hand when she's being cryptic (ie using a subscribed greeting Esquire has arbitrarily given underlying meanings.)
What Women Expect From Men - pg 109
Random Expectation: "He should know how to whittle wood." (You what they say about wood whittlers...)
Men Love Lumberjack-y Women - pg 75
Apparently, you look best to use when you look like a man - specifically, a drunk lumberjack with rhythm.
Side note: Just in case you're wondering what Esquire means dictionary.com defines it as "an unofficial title of respect, having no precise significance, sometimes placed, esp. in its abbreviated form, after a man's surname in formal written address." Basically it's a fancy sounding, made up title given to make men feel better about themselves who haven't achieved MD/PHD/DDS status. For all you Christina Hendricks lovers, here's a gallery of America's #1 Fire-Crotch!
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Sex Ed

Why It Sucks To Be Gay

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Who wants to experience the most pure form of love as suggested by some ancient Greek guys?! 1. HIV Scapegoat - It's sad but true, when HIV came out a lot of people blamed homosexual men. However, gay men have rallied together and are one of the biggest proponents of condoms. Statistics don't lie (they do but we'll get into that another day) gay men are winning the fight against AIDS! 2. Adoption - We all love to tune into Modern Family to watch Cam and Mitchell raising they're little "potsticker." (Side note: I did not make up that joke, it's a line from the show, and I am aware that it is semi-racist.) However, it's not always that simple. It's super hard for gay men to become fathers. 3. Social Acceptance - Gay men are definitely loved in some aspects, however a lot of society has a slanted/stereotypical view on them. That they're accessories or tokens in society is not (at least not all the time) true! 4 more reasons it sucks to love the cock after the jump! Continue reading Why It Sucks To Be Gay →
Sex Ed

Why It Rocks To Have A Penis

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Here you have it, the first two-parter coming your way. Are you excited about the next one? I am! Men, we already went over Why It Sucks To Have A Penis, so now we shall celebrate all the great things you've got going for you. (Because we all know it's nice to sandwich a criticism in compliments!) 10 Reasons It Rocks To Have A Penis 1. Beards - I have said time and time again, how much I wish I could grow a beard. I have an odd fixation with beards. They come in so many different sizes, shapes, textures, colors, ect. Oh the possibilities are endless! 2. Lower STD Rates - Yeah, women are getting infected with STDs at a higher rate than men are. Additionally certain diseases, ie chlamydia, are not symptomatic in men. Meaning, while you can give it to that ho fo' sho' you just hooked up with, you're just an innocent carrier. 3. Pregnancy - Some of you might think that having babies sucks, I don't. But I do understand that our bodied (unless you're Kelly Ripa) will never look the same after pregnancy. So kick back and relax, when you have a baby you're body will not be affected! 4. Men Are Sluts - Is this a revelation? I think not. The sexual double standard works in your favor. Men are encouraged to be sexually promiscuous. So while women are still living in the age of the scarlet letter, men are free to go around and slut it up! 6 more reasons being a dude is awesome after the jump! Continue reading Why It Rocks To Have A Penis →
Literature, Sex Ed

WHY MEN CHEAT: A Love Story

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Esquire published a story by an Anonymous Male (code name for Pansy) as to why men cheat. Pansy explains,
But men don't cheat because they can. Men cheat because they must, because they need to. This is the male struggle. Need compels us to try again. Because copulation is not in any way about fate. It is not about two individuals destined to meet on some dark night. It's about random collisions.
Pansy goes on to talk about what he thinks of a woman (specifically when he's doing her up against a soda machine... can you say romantic?)
And I know, believe me I know, that hell truly hath no fury like a woman scorned. I have made my mistakes. There are women who despise me. Women will never understand how men can cheat because they think of it in terms of themselves —as something done to them. They treat it as an affront first, as a breakdown in social order, then a wound, then a mortal wound. And this is a key. They do this because women are singular, in both their desire and their demands. This is why I serve women well. I treat them as planetary objects, individual and quirky, gravitational and unique. When I am with a woman, in a hotel or in her car, pressing her up against a soda machine in the stairwell, I let everything else fall away. I am with her without pretense, obligation, or fear.
Pansy you are so right. Women are such singular beings, I'm sure when you come home all your wife does is talk about herself, not ask you about your day, I'm sure she never cooks you dinner or washes your shorts, I'm sure she never thinks of you, only herself. That must be why you cheat, because you're not singular, yeah Pansy, you're deep, a fucking ocean of selflessness. You do serve women, serve away, I know I'm always up for a serving of dickhead. Jump to see how this article leads to a MissBleecker apology! (This is a once in a lifetime phenomenon folks!) Continue reading WHY MEN CHEAT: A Love Story →