Esquire published a story by an Anonymous Male (code name for Pansy) as to why men cheat. Pansy explains,

But men don't cheat because they can. Men cheat because they must, because they need to. This is the male struggle. Need compels us to try again. Because copulation is not in any way about fate. It is not about two individuals destined to meet on some dark night. It's about random collisions.

Pansy goes on to talk about what he thinks of a woman (specifically when he's doing her up against a soda machine... can you say romantic?)

And I know, believe me I know, that hell truly hath no fury like a woman scorned. I have made my mistakes. There are women who despise me. Women will never understand how men can cheat because they think of it in terms of themselves —as something done to them. They treat it as an affront first, as a breakdown in social order, then a wound, then a mortal wound. And this is a key. They do this because women are singular, in both their desire and their demands. This is why I serve women well. I treat them as planetary objects, individual and quirky, gravitational and unique. When I am with a woman, in a hotel or in her car, pressing her up against a soda machine in the stairwell, I let everything else fall away. I am with her without pretense, obligation, or fear.

Pansy you are so right. Women are such singular beings, I'm sure when you come home all your wife does is talk about herself, not ask you about your day, I'm sure she never cooks you dinner or washes your shorts, I'm sure she never thinks of you, only herself. That must be why you cheat, because you're not singular, yeah Pansy, you're deep, a fucking ocean of selflessness. You do serve women, serve away, I know I'm always up for a serving of dickhead. Jump to see how this article leads to a MissBleecker apology! (This is a once in a lifetime phenomenon folks!) Pansy then explains why his life is so perfect,

My local life is clean. I am more focused than they are. Stronger and better suited to what is near me —my family, my wife, my job. In some ways, that's because I don't hesitate to cheat.

Oh Esquire, Esquire, Esquire. I'm ashamed of you. How could you post such filth? This man clearly has deep emotional issues... probably related back to his mother. Now I know what all (and when I say all I mean the 7 people that will read this post) of you are probably waiting for me to start bashing men, ranting about how they're no good cheats and liars, but I won't do that. Oh trust, men are cheats and liars... but so are women. I've witnessed a lot of men cheating, but I've also seen it done by women, good women. Everyone has it in them to cheat, and over our lives the vast majority of us will do it at one point or another. We'd all like to think that we would never do something so terrible, so thoughtless, so selfish but there are always opportunities, and who are we to let an opportunity pass us by? The reason I'm not ripping into men because of this article is because this is one man, and while there are many, many men out there who share Pansy's sentiments, I do know that there are a few good men out there. So here's what I'm going to do, and maybe it's just because I'm having a good morning (it's after 1pm and I'm calling this morning) but I'm going to apologize to men for this godforsaken post. Yes, you read right, I'm apologizing to men! I'm sorry that you have to share a sex bracket with this asshole. This one dickwad is making it that much harder for all the nice guys out there to land some decent poon. We've all heard the expression, "nice guys finish last." And sometimes it is true, but this jackass is the reason. Women assume all men are assholes because the assholes in the crowd generally stick out more. So Pansy, wherever you are, I really hope your wife finds out you not only cheat but wrote a fucking article explaining why you "must." And when she does I honestly hope she cuts your fucking balls off. Is this the fury you were talking about? Anyway, when you say "men" in your article all you're really trying to do is rationalize your destructive behavior because at some point in your past a woman (maybe your mother) didn't love you as much as you loved her and now you strike out to get back at us, because you're really just a scared, sad, lonely little boy. Either that or you're gay. Either way Pansy, you give men everywhere a bad name, and I'm dedicating this song to you. Cheers! Let me know if you want more male oriented posts. I think it might be fun to do two What I Learned posts, one for Cosmopolitan, one for a men's magazine. Full article at Esquire. Jezebel's reaction.