Here we are again. Another month, another issue of Cosmopolitan, complete with the latest groundbreaking innovations in sex, fashion and everything female. The June issue features Pink in a Iron Man inspired frock. Since it's Spring Time I've decided to add a new featured column to my monthly Cosmo recaps, look for Trends by month! And a 1, 2, 3 and away we go!
Click the links below to be Cosmoed!
Pink Is A Badass - Pg 46-51
I'm sure her therapist will point out that her parents' turbulent relationship resulted in much of her own problems with her on again, off again husband.
The Catcher - Ride him, planting your feet on the bed and use his hands as leverage to rock back and forth. This variation will give you more mobility and thrust!
Seriously, this is an article in Cosmo, with the cover that boasts, "Orgasm Guaranteed." The guarantee? That you can think you can, think you can you're way to the big O.
Tall Men are... Rich - According to Cosmo, "a study" [again with the hard-hitting facts] said for every inch [above "what" we don't know] increases your salary by about $789 a year.
I recently globbed about the new feminine product line called U by Kotex. Well, not only are they breaking the social stigma by opening the conversation on vaginal health but now they have the HBIC herself, Khloe Kardashian among their ranks. Khloe is running the gambit of press circles between an informational video and a literal breaking of a wall containing euphemisms and words meant to hold women back... like Vajayjay (I never liked that word!) Damn you Grey's Anatomy for brining it into popular use!
Here's Oprah and her Vajayjay.
And a gallery of KK smashing it up!
If you know me ask me to sing a song for you I wrote about lesbians. It's both tender and hysterical!
1. Syncing Up - It's hard enough being around people when you're perioding, it's even harder being around your boyfriend, it's even fucking harder when your boyfriend is actually a woman who also has her period! Kudos to the ladies who can do it, but if it were me, I'd just quote The L Word 24/7, "I hope you bleed soon!"
2. Porn Lesbians vs. Real Lesbians - Porn fantasticizes (yeah I said fantasticizes!) lesbian sex. They usually hire (broke) straight women to do the nasty and the result is something less than accurate.
3. Butch - As all gay men are not Queens, not all lesbians are butch, man-hating, Birkenstock wearing dykes.
Dive for 4 more reasons it sucks to go down!
Continue reading Why It Sucks To Be A Lesbian→
So I'm feeling fatigued and I go home for lunch, kick up my feet and turn on the TV. (Side note: Daytime television is fantastic because it's completely mindless and thus a perfect remedy for fatigue.) In the middle of Access Hollywood or The Insider (or some other variation) this fabulous commercial came on about tampons, periods and advertising, oh my!
Kotex is launching a new line of feminine products designed for women who are annoyed by getting their periods but would still like their tampons to be pretty (AKA every woman!) So I did as the good advertisers told me and I went to the website for more information.
In a recent survey, 70% of women said they wish society would change the way it talks about vaginal health, but less than half feel like they can do anything about it. U by Kotex* brand wants to help women change the conversation about periods and vaginal care. By bringing it out into the open, we hope that every woman will learn to think differently, talk openly, take charge, help Break the Cycle* and begin to feel comfortable with her body and confident about her personal care.
Kotex, I'd like to personally thank you for trying to open up the conversation about menstruation. As you frequent readers of my glob know, I am pretty open about talking about perioding, however, there are many people in the world who are not. A period is a natural, yet annoying, part of life. So thank you Kotex, for trying to represent vaginal health... even if this is really all just to make a buck. And I must admit those tampons do look very pretty, but I'm going to stick with my Tampax Compak Pearl Tampons... variety pack... unscented! Product placement, what?!
Visit U by Kotex for more information!
Intent published an article last week about PMS and how it's really great for women because it gives us a chance to turn inward and explore our emotional spectrum. And then Jezebel got a hold of the article and tore it a new one.
Actually, what makes me "sad, anxious, and angry" is not my PMS. It's this article, which suggests that normal women even have the option to "resist their natural hormonal cycle." As if that's possible without some sort of outside assistance? The only ammo I have against my natural hormonal cycle is a pack of birth-control pills and a crazy-pill cocktail. And even then, I can't guarantee I'm not going to be a sobby bitch for at least half a day. (Alternately, I can't guarantee I'm not not going to be a sobby bitch at any other point during the month.)
I don't find either of these articles incredibly eye opening. All women, who bleed, have experienced PMS for it's bad, ie bloating, bitchiness, tearfulness, eat-everything-in-the-house-syndrome, and CRAMPS. We often forget the great things about PMS ie period boobs and the fact that you are not pregnant!
Regardless of these articles, I'm honestly pretty fucking tired of men, not the dumb ones in films and TV, but men in real life asking the stupidest question of life, "Oh is it that time of the month?" Because it is either (a) that time of the month, and if it is you've just said something that's going to really fucking piss her off, or the more likely (b) not that time of the month and you've basically just invalidated her feelings.
Men, you know how every time your team looses and you get really irritable and sad? What if we were to turn around and say, "Oh god, you fucking pussy, man up, it's a fucking game!" You probably would be upset that we invalidated your feelings, and if you were subject to monthly hormonal tide of overwhelmance it would probably make you cry!
So, please, I beg you... DON'T FUCKING HURT WOMEN'S FEELINGS BY BEING COMPLETE AND UTTER TOOLS! IF YOU DO I WILL FUCKING HUNT YOU DOWN AND CUT YOUR BALLS OFF!
And I'm not just yelling because I'm on my period. Now have a nice day!
Here we are again. Another month, another issue of Cosmopolitan, complete with the latest groundbreaking innovations in sex, fashion and everything female. The June issue features Pink in a Iron Man inspired frock. Since it's Spring Time I've decided to add a new featured column to my monthly Cosmo recaps, look for Trends by month! And a 1, 2, 3 and away we go!
Click the links below to be Cosmoed!
Pink Is A Badass - Pg 46-51
