Here's the long-awaited Cosmo recap for July featuring the stunning, pasties flaunting Shakira. Click the links below to be Cosmo'd!
Shakira: Almost A Puff Piece - Pg 22-26
Colombian babies didn't wear shoes and resorted to "sniffing glue so they could forget how hungry they were." (Direct quote)
The seam running down the underside of his penis is right on line with the seem on his boys. This spot is uber sensitive and when touched the right way can send his orgasm over the top.
The Gloss posted a study ranking the top 20 US Cities with the biggest average penis size. I have no idea how they figured this out, but I have a secret conspiracy theory that men have a secret book/interweb/network in which they measure their dicks against one another. Anyway, here's the list.
20 Cities Ordered by Penis Size
1. New Orleans
2. Washington DC
3. San Diego
4. New York City
5. Phoenix
6. Portland
7. Atlanta
8. San Francisco
9. Chicago
10. St. Louis
11. Seattle
12. Miami
13. Indianapolis
14. Columbus
15. Boston
16. Denver
17. Los Angeles
18. Detroit
19. Philadelphia
20. Dallas/Ft. Worth
I would like to give a shout out to all my New York men, congrats for making it to number 4. I'm very satisfied with that number! Congrats to New Orleans with the clutch move at #1, very impressive. Though I honestly would have thought the biggest dicks would have been in Washington... Get it... because they're politicians!. Nevermind.
Via Jezebel
Here you have it, the first two-parter coming your way. Are you excited about the next one? I am! Men, we already went over Why It Sucks To Have A Penis, so now we shall celebrate all the great things you've got going for you. (Because we all know it's nice to sandwich a criticism in compliments!)
10 Reasons It Rocks To Have A Penis
1. Beards - I have said time and time again, how much I wish I could grow a beard. I have an odd fixation with beards. They come in so many different sizes, shapes, textures, colors, ect. Oh the possibilities are endless!
2. Lower STD Rates - Yeah, women are getting infected with STDs at a higher rate than men are. Additionally certain diseases, ie chlamydia, are not symptomatic in men. Meaning, while you can give it to that ho fo' sho' you just hooked up with, you're just an innocent carrier.
3. Pregnancy - Some of you might think that having babies sucks, I don't. But I do understand that our bodied (unless you're Kelly Ripa) will never look the same after pregnancy. So kick back and relax, when you have a baby you're body will not be affected!
4. Men Are Sluts - Is this a revelation? I think not. The sexual double standard works in your favor. Men are encouraged to be sexually promiscuous. So while women are still living in the age of the scarlet letter, men are free to go around and slut it up!
6 more reasons being a dude is awesome after the jump!
Continue reading Why It Rocks To Have A Penis→
As promised I am delivering my first part of my first two-parter. If you loved Why It Sucks To Have A Vagina you'll moderately like this!
10 Reasons Why It Rocks To Have A Vagina
1. Babies - Freud says women have penis envy, well I say that men have womb envy. Yeah, you men claim to be so grateful that you don't have to deliver babies; but really, deep down inside, you're jealous. We give life unto the world and that rocks!
2. We Live Longer - Hello insurance check! Women generally get another few years on this earth!
3. We're Prettier - Let's face it, there's a reason countless paintings, sculptures, songs and poems have been dedicated to the bodies and faces of women. We're better looking!
4. Better Orgasms! - It's true, women have better orgasms. The clitoris is many times more sensitive than the tip of the penis. Our orgasms aren't only more intense than a man's but we can have different types of orgasms, count 'em, 3 types: clitoral, G-spot, and the newly discovered female prostate!
6 more reasons being a chick is awesome after the jump!
Continue reading Why It Rocks To Have A Vagina→
Men, I love you, and I give you guys credit for everything you have to do. I believe I truly understand why it sucks to be a guy, and please, if you wish to correct me after you finish reading this then let's go out for a drink (my treat!)
Why It Sucks To Have A Penis
1. You Have To Pay For Dates - While I do think a man should pay for the first three dates (at the very least the first) and I'll always offer to go Dutch, there are women who expect men to pay for a lot more. In this economy it's hard to date, and we understand that. Please refer to my post, Free Ways To Get Laid if your pockets are a little light of late.
2. Rejection - We do expect you to make the first move, we also expect you to get the fuck away from us if we shoot you down. It's hard to deal with rejection on a regular basis. My hat goes off to all the men who try, fail and continue to try!
3. Condoms - We understand that it must feel very claustrophobic for your little Princess Sophia to be tightly wrapped up in latex... but understand that pregnancy/abortions are expensive and herpes never dies!
4. You Die Sooner - Death is something that everyone has to face, it just sucks that men have a few years less to spend on the earth. But just think of it like this, when you die your wife is going to be left with nothing to mend her broken heart... except for all your money, personal belongings and pension. I kid. Not really.
6 more reasons why it sucks to be a dude after the jump!
Continue reading Why It Sucks To Have A Penis→
In my eternal quest to understand the true difference between men and women, I am devoting 2 posts, that's right not, just 1 but 2 posts to the difficulties associated with each set of genitalia. Since I'm a woman this list will come pretty easily. Here you go, the top 10 reasons why it sucks to be a woman.
Why It Sucks To Have A Vagina
1. Menstruation - I've dedicated a lot of words to menstruation, and while it has to be said, I actually like having a period (it is what makes us women after all) it's still a pain in the ass. Cramps, mood swings, bloating all suck. And let's not forget what having a period does to your wallet (tampons are expensive.)
2. We Make Less Money - Statistically speaking we make much less money than men, women aren't given paid maternity leave and in the end we basically have to go to college to get a decent job. FACT: A woman that gets her BA will make the same amount of money as a man with just a HS diploma.
3. We're Not Taken As Seriously - Whether it's is class, with family, amongst friends or at work, a man's opinion, thought and/or ideas are taken more seriously than a woman's.
4. The Virgin/Whore Dichotomy - A lady in the street but a freak in the sheets. A motto I try to live my life by... just kidding. But seriously a woman's sexuality is a very delicate subject. Men and Women, myself included, make snap judgements about other women based on how we think she is sexually.
6 more reasons it sucks to be a chick after the jump!
Continue reading Why It Sucks To Have A Vagina→
...because he can.
In honor of Nip/Tuck's series finale I am writing a post, which has been over a year in the making. Well, really it wasn't in the making, more of in my brain. Procrastination's my thing, remember?! Anyway, this post is in part inspired by the below episode of Nip/Tuck feating The Hangover's Bradley Cooper and Supernatural's sexiest, brooding angel, Castiel aka Micha Collins! The post is also based on my experience in manipulating men to tell me things they normally wouldn't admit, even to themselves, ie they've tried to fellate themselves... and much, much more!
Auto-fellatio, or the art of south-of-the-boarder self-service, is both a practiced and prideful phenomenon which can only happen when the Sun aligns with Uranus (terrible joke) and, well.. you get the picture. I'm not making this shit up, there are books and websites dedicated to learning how to do this. I know, all you men are reading this (in actuality it's just my mother and she's horrified right now, again, sorry mom) and rolling your eyes at me, thinking to yourself, "This bitch it crazy, I would never do that, how homosexual!" And to you I say, "Bitch please! If you could do it, I know you would!" Because, let's face it, I know, just was well as you do, you've all tried it! Which brings me to my hypothetical of the day:
Hypothetically speaking, would you give yourself a BJ if you could?
A good litmus test for whether or not you might be uncomfortable by this post is the below video. I taped my Nana (RIP) talking about sex. All in all, she's brilliant, and if you would be unable to talk to your grandmother about anal sex do not read on. Because I did... and it was wonderful!
Continue reading AUTO-FELLATIO: Sampling Your Own Pancakes→
Here's the long-awaited Cosmo recap for July featuring the stunning, pasties flaunting Shakira. Click the links below to be Cosmo'd!
Shakira: Almost A Puff Piece - Pg 22-26
