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Politics

10 Things to Say to Men Who Tell You to Smile

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Stop telling Hillary Clinton to smile!

Why are these male pundits telling Hillary Clinton to shout less and smile more?

Posted by Fusion on Wednesday, March 16, 2016
Since Hillary has been a front-runner for the Democratic Nomination there have been lots of news covering her that, well, doesn’t really have anything to do with politics as much as it has to do with her being a woman in politics. What happened with her recent victory has been noted in the video above and shared over a number of news sources. But what’s happening to HRC goes beyond just her, it speaks to a “cat-calling” culture that has embedded itself across the world in various forms. Being a woman and being told to smile happens constantly, across the country, and as a woman in New York, the city of resting bitch face, it happens to me constantly. Now you can always choose to ignore a cat-caller by remaining silent, however if you find yourself particularly annoyed with rubbing Vaseline on your front teeth to keep your lips from covering your sexy teeth, here are 10 things you can say to a man who’s telling you to smile:
  1. Say, "Tell me a joke: [insert insult here] funny man, clown, jackass, ect..."
  2. Start smiling like an insane person, extra points if you can start drooling from the side of your mouth.
  3. Say, "That's what I told your mom after I went down on her."
  4. Growl and start chomping in his direction.
  5. Say, "You're right I just killed my husband, I should be happy!"
  6. Say, "You would be much more handsome if you didn't speak."
  7. Bite into a blood capsule you have stashed at all times and then give them a bloody grin.
  8. Start crying and say, you're dog/mom/dad just died, you lost your job, you got diagnosed with VD, ect...
  9. Say, "I'm being like Posh Spice, because smiling gives you wrinkles and no man wants a prune face after all, so I just got angry-face Botox and now I'm stuck like this. Who's your favorite Spice Girl?!"
  10. Do as Abby and Ilana do...
Film & TV, Politics

MissBleecker Goes To Washington

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It's Still Dark Out 5:00 AM I'm about to drag my ass out of my apartment, onto the cold, dark streets on New York City and hop on a 5 hr bus ride to D.C. I hope you're happy! I'm serious, I hope you're happy, because I am. I'm super excited about today. We are going to look back on today as one of the defining moments in our generation. I'm so glad I get to be a part of it... even if it means waking up on a Saturday when I'm usually stumbling home. So this is it, welcome to the LiveBlog feed of MissBleecker's Road To Washington! I'll be updating periodically throughout the day, at and after the rally. These are the words of the happenings, if you want the images check out my updates on Twitter. I'll see you on the bus! Side Note: Are we digging this patriotic background or what? The Road To Nowhere 10:30 AM So I've been sitting on this bus for about 4 1/2 hrs now, going in and out of consciousness and simultaneously watching the leaves change. The South is very pretty this time of year. (Okay, I know it's not really the South, but for a Yankee like me it might as well be Alabama.) With being as close as we are to DC I'm getting really excited, now hopefully our bus driver will stay inside the lines and quit scraping the shoulder so we can get there in one piece. And remember, free kisses to whoever recognizes the cookies on my t-shirt! Update: We just crossed the border, MissBleecker is in Washington DC! The Dead Zone 3:30 PM Apologies for the lack of updates, apparently there were just too many damn people with Smartphones and we broke the internet! Hurray strength in numbers! Don't fret though, I took plenty of pictures and made sure to write down my updates. Look for my time-delayed LiveBlog later! Check out some pictures I took on Twitter! Sorry For The Delay 12:30PM So the internet is not working, an unexpect set back but I will continue to write and will update later. I got on the DC Metro, which sucks but the way, expecting to get off at one stop to meet up with my people, but when I saw hundred of people with signs, cheering and piling off the Green Line at Archives-Navy I knew I had to make a choice. I said to myself, MissBleecker, do you want to be with your friend or do you want to be with these good people? And so here I am, alone, waiting on the port-a-potties line, because I'm a womand and I have a weak bladder. Good thing for me the toilets are also close to the action because when The Roots took the stage I was able to jam to the music in between a pro-gay and pro-weed faction. Oh look, John Legend just took the stage! I'll be back with more later! Gotta love the thusands of people who showed up for a vague rally! Party Central 1:30 PM The Prince of Darkness himself, Ozzy Osbourne just took the stage and performed Crazy Train. There are thousenads upon thousands of people here. Many are in costume, anticipating the upcoming holiday. Those who can't see and are bave enough climbed anything they could to get even a glimpse of a megatron. Perched atop lampposts, trees and even port-a-potties the masses gather, their single unifying quality, to be together today and to show the government that even if we don't really know why we're here, we can at least throw one hell of a party. Through The Crowd 2:30 PM I started making my way out of the mall, nothing was going to make me stay and wait for the chaos that would surely ensue when the thouse of people that had shown up left all at once. The Metro was shitty enoug without a bunch of rowdy rallygoers. Besides, I figured it would take me just as long to get out of the crowd. As I made my way through the masses, I watched the people, I read their signs, granted most of them were in suport of legalizing marijuana, but they were witty nonetheless. I looked around at the people, they were all individuals, each with a different costume, slogan, perspective, but when I looked out into the crowd, all I saw was a blur. The individuals became everyone and I was a part of them. Finally, Jon Stewart took the stage and I could barely make out what he was saying as I sifted through the people, but to be hoenst, and I'm sorry Jon, it really didn't matter. Would I have gotten a better view if I'd arrived earlier, maybe, would I have had a better experience if I was with my friends, perhaps, if my glob and myself were of any relevance at all and I could have gotten media access would I have been happier, who knows? The point, of which I can surmise based on the vaguness of the situation, is that we were all there for different reasons, from different places, with different people, of different ages and backgrounds and ethnicities, but we were all there. And even though I was't there with my friends, I was not alone and even though I didn't hear or see a goddamn thing, I got the point. Just In Case You Were Wondering... Aside from Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert others in attendance were The Roots, John Legend, Ozzy Osburne, Yusuf Islam, Mavis Staples, Jeff Tweedy, Tony Bennett, Kid Rock, Sheryl Crowe, Jamie Hyneman, Adam Whitney Savage, Mick Foley and an estimated 250,000 schmucks like me!
Film & TV, Politics

MissBleecker Takes Washington D.C.

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As you all should know, a little while back Jon Stewart announced that he would be hosting a march in Washington D.C. on October 30, 2010. He is calling it a Rally to Restore Sanity and its purpose is somewhat vague, but I'm guessing it has something to do with proving something to the government. Soon after Jon Stewart announced his rally, Stephen Colbert announced a counter-rally called the March to Keep Fear Alive. I'm assuming this, much like the rest of Mr. Colbert's comedy, is satirical but one can only hope. Now, for the record, I'd just like to say I'm not a huge fan of either of these very attractive gentlemen, I find them brazen and semi-offensive. However, I do see what they're doing and it's trying to get their primary audience, young people, off their asses and into the world of political relevance, and for that, I am grateful. And so, I, MissBleecker, will be traveling by bus (fo' free bitches), a very long 5 hrs to Washington D.C. to attend the marches. I will only be in D.C. for three hours and then I will board the bus, back to New York and have another jolly 5 hr long bus ride. And why am I doing this, my loyal and deranged readers? Well for you of course. I know all of you aren't the smartest little things, or the most politically savvy, but I know you do care about vague yet highly publicized D.C. protests hosted by attractive celebrities. So, for you, my dear readers, I am going to do something I've never done before; I am going to LiveBlog the Washington D.C. marches! That's right, tomorrow, when thousands of people hit the National Mall I will be there, my trusty SmartPhone in tow and I will be feeding you detail by glorious detail, and if you're lucky you might get a picture or two. So, sit back, relax and refresh because even if your lazy ass can't make it to Washington, my juicy one will be front and center! Side Note: If by any chance one of you reading this is in D.C. tomorrow, I'll be the only one wearing a Radioactive Cookies t-shirt. If you tap me on the shoulder and call me MissBleecker, I'll give you a free kiss!
Film & TV, Politics, Sex Ed

Bill O’Rielly’s Got Daddy Issues

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So my second favorite Republican, Bill O'Rielly, obviously my first is Anne Coulter (love that bitch) is playing the game of "how man people can I offend with my ill-informed comments" again. Well Bill, you've got my attention. Billy-boy had two blonde hos on his show to bash Jennifer Aniston for the comment she made on women being single mothers. Aniston said, "Women are realizing more and more knowing that they don't have to settle with a man just to have a child." Instead of being offended by the obvious lack in grammar in that statement, Bill became outraged for fathers everywhere, saying that she's "diminishing" the role of a father... or she could just be saying that if a woman can't find or doesn't want a partner, that she has the option of having a baby. Side Note: This whole argument started because Aniston is staring in a new movie, The Switch, it's about a woman who decides to stop waiting for a man and have a baby via artificial insemination... and then somewhere along the line Jason Bateman drunkenly spills her sperm and refills it with his own swift swimmers. The blonde hos (I can say this because I am one... blonde, not a ho... oh shut up!) go on and kind of back up O'Reilly and unintentionally defend Aniston bashing fathers (even though she didn't, I don't know, they're dumb). Anyway... here's my biggest problem with this whole segment, Gretchen Carlson thinks that Jen said what she said because she's a "41 year-old single woman, who's never been married." Um hello! Have you been under a rock for the past decade? She was married to People's Sexiest Man Alive, maybe you've heard of him, his name's Brad Pitt. God, someone get this woman a tabloid! She has no right going on a sophisticated show like Bill O'Rielly's without being informed of the facts! Just for the record, I was raised by a single mother, my father was never a part of my life and I turned out just fine. I graduated from a great school, I have an awesome job, I started a little blog called RadCooks, I have superior friends, I even go on the occasional date. I have absolutely no so-called "daddy issues" to deal with. Now excuse me while I go home and fuck the 59 year-old mustached man waiting in my bed. Here's the segment, Billy-boy and his two bimbettes. Here's the trailer for that dumbass movie. Via ONTD
Politics

RadFem Sarcastic Edition: Mel Gibson

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[redlasso id="d135898c-f6f7-4bbb-b5d4-4bc6c46565fb"] This special one time only (hopefully) RadFem Award: Sarcastic Edition goes to the woman loving Mel Gibson. Here's the much talked about audio recording his sneaky whore of a baby-mama, Oksana Grigorieva leaked to the media. Mel's Motto: If you leave the house dressed in revealing clothes then you're asking to get raped. (Of course Mel gets a little more specific and creative with his wording but you know, I'm just a humble writer.) I don't know what Oksana's problem is she's breast-feeding the baby with possibly fake boobs (which is super dangerous because no one's ever done that before and doctors haven't figured out a way to bypass the mammary glands.) At the end of the recording he even tells her to never leave the comfort of his home and, even though he's not going to give it to her, he will "let" her stay. He even offers to take care of his child while screaming at her that he doesn't love/want her anymore. Now that's what I call a dedicated father. Yes, Mel Gibson is certainly deserving of the RadFem (Sarcastic) Award. Why he's right up there with those right-to-lifers who bomb abortion clinics. Thank you Mel Gibson, for opening up my eyes. Now excuse me while I slip on my green pussy-hugging number and go have a night on the town without a man to protect me from all the rape... because I want it!
Politics

Hawaii Disses The Gays

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Well here comes some bad news to break up your Hump Day! Hawaiian Governor Linda Lingle has vetoed Hawaii's same-sex civil union bill. Hawaiian Legislature had approved the bill in April and all Little Miss Homo-Hater had to do was sign it. Unfortunately, like Heather, she had a brain tumor for breakfast and vetoed it in the 11th hour. Here's what Miss Hawaiian Tropic had to say about the decision,
There has not been a bill I have contemplated more or an issue I have thought more deeply about during my eight years as governor than House Bill 444 and the institution of marriage. I have been open and consistent in my opposition to same-sex marriage, and find that House Bill 444 is essentially same-sex marriage by another name.
With this and with the addition of Prop 8 that only leaves Connecticut, Iowa, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, Vermont, and Washington, D.C. as states/District of Columbias that allow same-sex marriage. Iowa?! Really? Iowa? When in tarnation did that happen and how is Iowa more on the up and up than New York? Dang up-staters ruining the neighborhood with their bigotry! Oh well, I suggest everyone as pissed about this as I am go on a lovely Hawaiian vacation via Gay Hawaii and pay Governor Linda a visit. Via Jezebel
Politics

Happy Independence Day!

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Freedom. America. The Nathan's Hotdog Eating Contest. These three things epitomize the 4th of July... our Independence Day! And this year the famed Penis Swallowing... I mean Hotdog Eating Contest goes to an American, Joey Chestnut, the raining champ of wiener munching, downed 68 hotdogs in 12 minutes! Oh there are so many things I can say about that... but I am a Kla$$y lady and I'll keep those thoughts to my own dirrty self! Here's hoping you're all celebrating America's B-day with BBBQ, beer and Will Smith!
Politics, Sex Ed

Obama Gives $25 Million To Preggos

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In an effort to dance around the a-word a little (rhymes with shmashmortion) President Obama has pledged $25 million dollars to the Federal Pregnancy Assistant Fund, whose goal is to, "assist women who have decided to carry their pregnancies to term and those who are parenting."
[The money] will be used to will provide pregnant and parenting teens and women a seamless network of supportive services to help them complete high school or post-secondary degrees and gain access to health care, child care, family housing, and other critical support. In addition, States can use the funds to combat violence against pregnant women.
Is today my birthday?! This is fabulous news! Right-to-lifers go on and on about carrying a baby to term and then giving it to a loving (heterosexual) couple when it's time to pop, but they seldom pay any never-mind to the fact that being pregnant is expensive. Let's set aside the fact that having a baby is not only going to affect your life but your wallet too; the gestation period is filled with price tags from sonograms to checkups, from pre-natal drugs to late night trips to the 7-11 for a Big Gulp Blue Raspberry Fanta Slurpee (hey, she needs it man.) Hopefully now those women, who choose to carry their fetuses to term, will get the assistance they need. Who knows, maybe we might even get some well-needed sex education. (iEscandalo!) Via Jezebel Read full article at CNN
Politics

10 Fun Things I Found In Italy

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The Roffle - A Creepy toy, displayed dangling from the ceiling in an Autogrille (or fancy Italian gas station.) I'm assuming the origin of these laughing animals is from the new age text language word ROFL or rolling on the floor laughing. Bad Santa - Santa shows the ladies what he's going to do to those of us who've been naughty. Read on for 8 more fun things from Italy. NSFW to follow! Continue reading 10 Fun Things I Found In Italy →
Politics

WHAT I LEARNED: Italy Edition

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Now I'm sure you all missed me very much while I was away, and I guess I kind of promised you guys an Italy post, but quit honestly, I learned too much to just limit this post to one thing... so, you get a little more bang for your buck in this one. Here's, What I Learned in Italy! Fanta - They only have Orange Fanta in Italy but it is 100Xs better than any orange soda in the states, and other than lots and lots of red wine, was the only thing I drank during my 10 day stay. Mozzarella di Bufala - We all love mozzarella, heck give me a string cheese on my worst day and it'll bring a smile to my face, but as it turns out, it tastes way better in Italy. Their secret? They use milk from water buffalos. Yeah, I thought it was weird at first too, but oh so delicious! Sexy Mayor and my FBD, Tommaso Pellegrino invites you to see 8 more things MissBleecker learned on her Italian vacation! Continue reading WHAT I LEARNED: Italy Edition →