Here you have it, the first two-parter coming your way. Are you excited about the next one? I am! Men, we already went over Why It Sucks To Have A Penis, so now we shall celebrate all the great things you've got going for you. (Because we all know it's nice to sandwich a criticism in compliments!)
10 Reasons It Rocks To Have A Penis
1. Beards - I have said time and time again, how much I wish I could grow a beard. I have an odd fixation with beards. They come in so many different sizes, shapes, textures, colors, ect. Oh the possibilities are endless!
2. Lower STD Rates - Yeah, women are getting infected with STDs at a higher rate than men are. Additionally certain diseases, ie chlamydia, are not symptomatic in men. Meaning, while you can give it to that ho fo' sho' you just hooked up with, you're just an innocent carrier.
3. Pregnancy - Some of you might think that having babies sucks, I don't. But I do understand that our bodied (unless you're Kelly Ripa) will never look the same after pregnancy. So kick back and relax, when you have a baby you're body will not be affected!
4. Men Are Sluts - Is this a revelation? I think not. The sexual double standard works in your favor. Men are encouraged to be sexually promiscuous. So while women are still living in the age of the scarlet letter, men are free to go around and slut it up!
6 more reasons being a dude is awesome after the jump!
5. You Can Pee Standing Up - Let me tell you one of my favorite jokes. God says to Adam, "I'm going to give you and Eve a magical power each, you get to pick. The first one is you get to pee standing up-" Adam interrupts God and shouts, "I want that one!" God say, "Adam, you haven't even heard the other power." Adan says, "No, I want that one, nothing's better than that!" God says, "Okay, Eve I guess you get multiple orgasms." Ba-da-ba! Hilarious, I know! But seriously, I go to a lot of sketchy places with skeezy bathroms and I'm always resentful when I have to drunkenly squat (it's dangerous.)
6. Viagra - Not only is the little blue pill covered by insurance but it's been endorsed by Bob Dole and had an Elvis song re-imagined to worship it. Viagra says "Fuck you Nature, I'm getting my dick wet tonight!"
7. Hormones - Yeah, yeah, yeah, men have a cycle, whatever. Your cycle doesn't make you fat, pimply, sore, crying and bitchy for one week a month for life!
8. Your Clock Isn't Ticking - Yes, career women everywhere are freezing their eggs because they simply don't have enough time to be a bitchin' CEO Barbie and a mommy in the same decade. Men, congrats, when you finally are ready to have Jrs. you're still fertile!
9. Marriage - Your chances of getting married, unlike a 40 year old women, are not equivalent to getting struck by lightening or killed by a terrorist. (Unless you live in a major city... Too soon?)
10. Networking - Men have a natural tendency to listen to other men, especially in the business world. If you're looking to network, men stick their heads up (quite literally) farther than a woman. Also, a man is more likely to be in a position of power than a woman.
There you have it, if you enjoyed this you should check out why the grass is greener in the lady garden with Why It Rocks To Have A Vagina. Here's a song celebrating men in a wonderful falsetto voice! Warbled Frankie Valli and The Four Seasons invite you in!
Here you have it, the first two-parter coming your way. Are you excited about the next one? I am! Men, we already went over Why It Sucks To Have A Penis, so now we shall celebrate all the great things you've got going for you. (Because we all know it's nice to sandwich a criticism in compliments!)
10 Reasons It Rocks To Have A Penis
1. Beards - I have said time and time again, how much I wish I could grow a beard. I have an odd fixation with beards. They come in so many different sizes, shapes, textures, colors, ect. Oh the possibilities are endless!
2. Lower STD Rates - Yeah, women are getting infected with STDs at a higher rate than men are. Additionally certain diseases, ie chlamydia, are not symptomatic in men. Meaning, while you can give it to that ho fo' sho' you just hooked up with, you're just an innocent carrier.
3. Pregnancy - Some of you might think that having babies sucks, I don't. But I do understand that our bodied (unless you're Kelly Ripa) will never look the same after pregnancy. So kick back and relax, when you have a baby you're body will not be affected!
4. Men Are Sluts - Is this a revelation? I think not. The sexual double standard works in your favor. Men are encouraged to be sexually promiscuous. So while women are still living in the age of the scarlet letter, men are free to go around and slut it up!
6 more reasons being a dude is awesome after the jump!
5. You Can Pee Standing Up - Let me tell you one of my favorite jokes. God says to Adam, "I'm going to give you and Eve a magical power each, you get to pick. The first one is you get to pee standing up-" Adam interrupts God and shouts, "I want that one!" God say, "Adam, you haven't even heard the other power." Adan says, "No, I want that one, nothing's better than that!" God says, "Okay, Eve I guess you get multiple orgasms." Ba-da-ba! Hilarious, I know! But seriously, I go to a lot of sketchy places with skeezy bathroms and I'm always resentful when I have to drunkenly squat (it's dangerous.)
6. Viagra - Not only is the little blue pill covered by insurance but it's been endorsed by Bob Dole and had an Elvis song re-imagined to worship it. Viagra says "Fuck you Nature, I'm getting my dick wet tonight!"
7. Hormones - Yeah, yeah, yeah, men have a cycle, whatever. Your cycle doesn't make you fat, pimply, sore, crying and bitchy for one week a month for life!
8. Your Clock Isn't Ticking - Yes, career women everywhere are freezing their eggs because they simply don't have enough time to be a bitchin' CEO Barbie and a mommy in the same decade. Men, congrats, when you finally are ready to have Jrs. you're still fertile!
9. Marriage - Your chances of getting married, unlike a 40 year old women, are not equivalent to getting struck by lightening or killed by a terrorist. (Unless you live in a major city... Too soon?)
10. Networking - Men have a natural tendency to listen to other men, especially in the business world. If you're looking to network, men stick their heads up (quite literally) farther than a woman. Also, a man is more likely to be in a position of power than a woman.
There you have it, if you enjoyed this you should check out why the grass is greener in the lady garden with Why It Rocks To Have A Vagina. Here's a song celebrating men in a wonderful falsetto voice! Warbled Frankie Valli and The Four Seasons invite you in!
