Category Archives: Literature

Books, magazines, rags & other printed words.

Beauty, Literature, Sex Ed

COSMO: What I Learned In May 2010

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I know, I know. It's almost fucking May and we haven't gotten our fix of monthly What I Learned from Cosmo. It's not my fault. My mother hid my magazine. She seems to keep the faith that my excessive use of the word "fuck" combined with my unabashed dialogue about well... you know, is unbecoming of a lady. Quite possible, but I'm going to do it anyway. I love you mom! (She's really not that old-fashioned, it's just a little game we like to play... or is it?!) Enough with the non sequiturs, here's what you've all been waiting for... my May recap of Cosmo: The Sexy Issue starring Heidi Klum (is she even still relevant? I mean her show's on Lifetime!) Heidi Klum: Why The Fuck Does She Get Everything?! - pg 37
The only thing that sparked a bit of interest was when the writer briefly talked about Klum's relationship with Italian businessman/womanizer extraordinaire, Flavio Briatore, who kicked her ass to curb after less than a year and preggers!
Semen Vitamin Supplements To Come! - pg 210
The researchers then tested the women's emotional status and found that those who didn't use condoms - and had therefore been exposed to semen - were less depressed than those who used protection.
MacGyver Your Sex Life - pg 156
I downloaded the MyVibe app on my friend's iPhone, just to see what it was like (not that way.) Turns out there are 100 different vibes...
How Women Kill Their Sex Drive - pg 192
You usually go on the pill because you're going to be getting busier than a pair of rabbits. However, the hormonal cocktail drops your testosterone production, lowering your libido.
New Things To Try With Your Breasts - pg 215
Breast Tenderness: When you're feeling sore around your period, wrap a refrigerated lettuce leaf around your breasts, leave it there until it wilts.
Indoor Tanning Tax Part Of New Health Care Bill - pg 198
This past winter, the Senate proposed a 10% tax on indoor tanning as part of the new health-care plan... and President Obama later included it in his own version of the bill.
Below are the full scans of Heidi's inspirational interview!
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Beauty, Literature, Sex Ed

ESQUIRE: What I Learned In May 2010

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In the hopes to diversify my glob and in my neverending quest to understand the opposite sex, I've added Esquire Magazine to my monthly What I Learned recaps. I have to say, I'm very pleased with my first men's magazine purchase. Luckily, the first issue I decided to pick up of Esquire is the Women Issue, it must be fate. What I've learned about men's mags, just by flipping through the rag, I do it back to front (I know, I'm an anomaly) is that they're shorter than women's mags, probably because there aren't as many ads, Viagra replaces Plan B spreads and the articles seem to be shorter, more serious and... of course, written by men. I hope you all enjoy these few gems I've taken away from this month's Esquire, here's what I learned! Christina Hendricks' Advice To Men - pg 80
It's the most impressive drink order. It's classic. It's sexy. Such a rich color. The glass, the smell. It's not watered down with fruit juice. It's Scotch. And you ordered it.
Ejaculatory Force: Are You a Shooter or a Dribbler? - pg 46
It's basically like stepping on a hose. The older you get the bigger your prostate gets and it causes pressure on the ejaculatory ducts and then less pressure builds.
Surprising Statistics About Women - pg 76
14% of women masturbate everyday
Love Advice From Barney Stinson - pg 121
Studies have shown the best way to feign interest in what a chick is saying is to silently not your head to 'My Sharona.'
Female to Male Greeting Translator - pg 111
Ever wonder how her many greetings translate? Keep this guide on hand when she's being cryptic (ie using a subscribed greeting Esquire has arbitrarily given underlying meanings.)
What Women Expect From Men - pg 109
Random Expectation: "He should know how to whittle wood." (You what they say about wood whittlers...)
Men Love Lumberjack-y Women - pg 75
Apparently, you look best to use when you look like a man - specifically, a drunk lumberjack with rhythm.
Side note: Just in case you're wondering what Esquire means dictionary.com defines it as "an unofficial title of respect, having no precise significance, sometimes placed, esp. in its abbreviated form, after a man's surname in formal written address." Basically it's a fancy sounding, made up title given to make men feel better about themselves who haven't achieved MD/PHD/DDS status. For all you Christina Hendricks lovers, here's a gallery of America's #1 Fire-Crotch!
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Literature

RadCooks Glob: 1,000 Bite Milestone!

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You like me, you really do like me! I'm super excited to see that in the month this glob has been active it's reached over 1,000 hits! I know I've been a little absent lately, my ultimate plan of having this glob overtake my school work is semi-working, but I also do want to graduate, thus my absence. However, to commemorate my 1,000 bite status (which is no huge deal, but music to my ears) I'm going to be bestowing upon you good readers 5 new posts soon! Yes, count them, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 new posts! Including 2, not just 1, two-parter posts! So thanks again, Sally, take it away! And just for shits and giggles, here's something to make this post a little less all about me and little more posty. Below is the new promo fro Glee!
Literature, Sex Ed

WHY MEN CHEAT: A Love Story

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Esquire published a story by an Anonymous Male (code name for Pansy) as to why men cheat. Pansy explains,
But men don't cheat because they can. Men cheat because they must, because they need to. This is the male struggle. Need compels us to try again. Because copulation is not in any way about fate. It is not about two individuals destined to meet on some dark night. It's about random collisions.
Pansy goes on to talk about what he thinks of a woman (specifically when he's doing her up against a soda machine... can you say romantic?)
And I know, believe me I know, that hell truly hath no fury like a woman scorned. I have made my mistakes. There are women who despise me. Women will never understand how men can cheat because they think of it in terms of themselves —as something done to them. They treat it as an affront first, as a breakdown in social order, then a wound, then a mortal wound. And this is a key. They do this because women are singular, in both their desire and their demands. This is why I serve women well. I treat them as planetary objects, individual and quirky, gravitational and unique. When I am with a woman, in a hotel or in her car, pressing her up against a soda machine in the stairwell, I let everything else fall away. I am with her without pretense, obligation, or fear.
Pansy you are so right. Women are such singular beings, I'm sure when you come home all your wife does is talk about herself, not ask you about your day, I'm sure she never cooks you dinner or washes your shorts, I'm sure she never thinks of you, only herself. That must be why you cheat, because you're not singular, yeah Pansy, you're deep, a fucking ocean of selflessness. You do serve women, serve away, I know I'm always up for a serving of dickhead. Jump to see how this article leads to a MissBleecker apology! (This is a once in a lifetime phenomenon folks!) Continue reading WHY MEN CHEAT: A Love Story →
Beauty, Literature, Music, Science, Sex Ed

COSMO: What I Learned In April 2010

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It must be that time of the month again. My monthly subscription has come... to Cosmo I mean. Yes, Cosmopolitan Magazine is the source for all my life decisions. They're brilliant, that's all I have to say; and this month they've delivered a few great gems unto the world. RadCooks is your only source for monthly Cosmo Recaps! Click the links below to be Cosmoed Who is Lady Gaga? - Pg 30-34
Lady Gaga is a slut. She freely admits it in this month's Cosmo featuring her on the cover in her wildest outfit yet... herself.
Birth Control Affects Your Attraction To Men? - Pg 164
Which, basically sums up all of male and female behavior, women aren't baby-hungry and men aren't whores, we're both just trying to prolong our species the best ways we can.
What Exactly Is Female Ejaculation? - Pg 113
Where the liquid comes (pun) from isn't exactly pinned down yet (women are such a mystery) but scientists are suggesting it comes from the female prostate. Yeah guys, we've got one too!
What's The Kivin Method? - Pg 230 Video inside! The iPhone Has A Safe Sexting App? - Pg 174
It's like a condom for your dignity!
You Can Judge A Person Based On Their Beer Choice? - Pg 60
They claim you can tell a lot about a person based solely on their choice of beer.
See full scans below for Gaga's interview & photoshoot!
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Literature

It Must Be That Time Of The Month…

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Intent published an article last week about PMS and how it's really great for women because it gives us a chance to turn inward and explore our emotional spectrum. And then Jezebel got a hold of the article and tore it a new one.
Actually, what makes me "sad, anxious, and angry" is not my PMS. It's this article, which suggests that normal women even have the option to "resist their natural hormonal cycle." As if that's possible without some sort of outside assistance? The only ammo I have against my natural hormonal cycle is a pack of birth-control pills and a crazy-pill cocktail. And even then, I can't guarantee I'm not going to be a sobby bitch for at least half a day. (Alternately, I can't guarantee I'm not not going to be a sobby bitch at any other point during the month.)
I don't find either of these articles incredibly eye opening. All women, who bleed, have experienced PMS for it's bad, ie bloating, bitchiness, tearfulness, eat-everything-in-the-house-syndrome, and CRAMPS. We often forget the great things about PMS ie period boobs and the fact that you are not pregnant! Regardless of these articles, I'm honestly pretty fucking tired of men, not the dumb ones in films and TV, but men in real life asking the stupidest question of life, "Oh is it that time of the month?" Because it is either (a) that time of the month, and if it is you've just said something that's going to really fucking piss her off, or the more likely (b) not that time of the month and you've basically just invalidated her feelings. Men, you know how every time your team looses and you get really irritable and sad? What if we were to turn around and say, "Oh god, you fucking pussy, man up, it's a fucking game!" You probably would be upset that we invalidated your feelings, and if you were subject to monthly hormonal tide of overwhelmance it would probably make you cry! So, please, I beg you... DON'T FUCKING HURT WOMEN'S FEELINGS BY BEING COMPLETE AND UTTER TOOLS! IF YOU DO I WILL FUCKING HUNT YOU DOWN AND CUT YOUR BALLS OFF! And I'm not just yelling because I'm on my period. Now have a nice day!
Literature

My Glob…

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In an effort to stop regurgitating while I write my blog, because I despise that word, it (you know what I mean) shall heretofore be referred to as my Glob. It's an anagram. Get it?! Come on people you don't have to be Tom Hanks from "The Da Vinci Code" to figure this shit out!
Literature

I Guezz We Know What My Kidz Will Be Reading…

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"Spratz" is a literary magazine that teaches children about misogyny, discrimination and how to be a Class-A Feminist! I guess this is some play on those creepy Bratz Dollz. Why does everything nowadays have to end with a "z?" Where was this when I was growing up? All I got was a 3 year old "Hightlights" magazine when I went to play with my shrink's marble maze. Speaking of, was I the only one who went to a shrink solely to play with the toys? Seriously?! My mom never bought me sock-em-bop-em robots or a Barbie Jeep. If you find what I'm saying odd, the baby shrinks might only be a Manhattanite phenomenon. We love to fuck up our kids and pretend to fix them! That being said, I totally plan on having my kids read "Spratz!" They must learn from an early age there's more to a woman than blonde hair and big tits... and it usually involves peroxide and water bras. Ladies, you know what I mean, men, sorry to ruin the fantasy. Via Jezebel