Here we are again. Another month, another issue of Cosmopolitan, complete with the latest groundbreaking innovations in sex, fashion and everything female. The June issue features Pink in a Iron Man inspired frock. Since it's Spring Time I've decided to add a new featured column to my monthly Cosmo recaps, look for Trends by month! And a 1, 2, 3 and away we go!
Click the links below to be Cosmoed!
Pink Is A Badass - Pg 46-51
I'm sure her therapist will point out that her parents' turbulent relationship resulted in much of her own problems with her on again, off again husband.
The Catcher - Ride him, planting your feet on the bed and use his hands as leverage to rock back and forth. This variation will give you more mobility and thrust!
Seriously, this is an article in Cosmo, with the cover that boasts, "Orgasm Guaranteed." The guarantee? That you can think you can, think you can you're way to the big O.
Tall Men are... Rich - According to Cosmo, "a study" [again with the hard-hitting facts] said for every inch [above "what" we don't know] increases your salary by about $789 a year.
I sense a list pattern coming on...
Dina Lohan
One word... Lindsay.
Kate Gosselin
8 kids, a book, a divorce and a couple of reality shows later you'd think she'd be getting this parenting thing down.
Jump for 8 more mother's who never should have been!Continue reading HAPPY MILF DAY: 10 Terrible Hollywood Moms→
Happy Mother's Day! I hope you all remembered! I hope if you forgot you're not looking at this! YOU HAVE BETTER THINGS TO BE DOING.. LIKE BUYING YOUR MOTHER A PRESENT FOR LETTING YOU BREATHE AIR! Yeah, I'm sure she gave you a complex too... Well there's nothing I can do about that now. STOP TALKING BACK! I'm gonna be a great mom! Anyway... I would like to dedicate this post to my mother, a wonderful, caring, beautiful and smart woman! Now here, look at a bunch of exploitative pictures of celebrities who also happen to be mothers!
Honorable mention, Nadya Suleman aka Octomom invites you in!
Get Ready for some baby-weight-hiding-nude-on-the-bed-with-a-white-sheet-carefully-carving-out-my-curves photo shoots! NSFWContinue reading HAPPY MILF DAY: 40 Hot Hollywood Moms→
I know, I know. It's almost fucking May and we haven't gotten our fix of monthly What I Learned from Cosmo. It's not my fault. My mother hid my magazine. She seems to keep the faith that my excessive use of the word "fuck" combined with my unabashed dialogue about well... you know, is unbecoming of a lady. Quite possible, but I'm going to do it anyway. I love you mom! (She's really not that old-fashioned, it's just a little game we like to play... or is it?!)
Enough with the non sequiturs, here's what you've all been waiting for... my May recap of Cosmo: The Sexy Issue starring Heidi Klum (is she even still relevant? I mean her show's on Lifetime!)
Heidi Klum: Why The Fuck Does She Get Everything?! - pg 37
The only thing that sparked a bit of interest was when the writer briefly talked about Klum's relationship with Italian businessman/womanizer extraordinaire, Flavio Briatore, who kicked her ass to curb after less than a year and preggers!
The researchers then tested the women's emotional status and found that those who didn't use condoms - and had therefore been exposed to semen - were less depressed than those who used protection.
You usually go on the pill because you're going to be getting busier than a pair of rabbits. However, the hormonal cocktail drops your testosterone production, lowering your libido.
This past winter, the Senate proposed a 10% tax on indoor tanning as part of the new health-care plan... and President Obama later included it in his own version of the bill.
Below are the full scans of Heidi's inspirational interview!
In the hopes to diversify my glob and in my neverending quest to understand the opposite sex, I've added Esquire Magazine to my monthly What I Learned recaps. I have to say, I'm very pleased with my first men's magazine purchase. Luckily, the first issue I decided to pick up of Esquire is the Women Issue, it must be fate. What I've learned about men's mags, just by flipping through the rag, I do it back to front (I know, I'm an anomaly) is that they're shorter than women's mags, probably because there aren't as many ads, Viagra replaces Plan B spreads and the articles seem to be shorter, more serious and... of course, written by men. I hope you all enjoy these few gems I've taken away from this month's Esquire, here's what I learned!
Christina Hendricks' Advice To Men - pg 80
It's the most impressive drink order. It's classic. It's sexy. Such a rich color. The glass, the smell. It's not watered down with fruit juice. It's Scotch. And you ordered it.
It's basically like stepping on a hose. The older you get the bigger your prostate gets and it causes pressure on the ejaculatory ducts and then less pressure builds.
Ever wonder how her many greetings translate? Keep this guide on hand when she's being cryptic (ie using a subscribed greeting Esquire has arbitrarily given underlying meanings.)
Apparently, you look best to use when you look like a man - specifically, a drunk lumberjack with rhythm.
Side note: Just in case you're wondering what Esquire means dictionary.com defines it as "an unofficial title of respect, having no precise significance, sometimes placed, esp. in its abbreviated form, after a man's surname in formal written address." Basically it's a fancy sounding, made up title given to make men feel better about themselves who haven't achieved MD/PHD/DDS status.
For all you Christina Hendricks lovers, here's a gallery of America's #1 Fire-Crotch!
I recently globbed about the new feminine product line called U by Kotex. Well, not only are they breaking the social stigma by opening the conversation on vaginal health but now they have the HBIC herself, Khloe Kardashian among their ranks. Khloe is running the gambit of press circles between an informational video and a literal breaking of a wall containing euphemisms and words meant to hold women back... like Vajayjay (I never liked that word!) Damn you Grey's Anatomy for brining it into popular use!
Here's Oprah and her Vajayjay.
And a gallery of KK smashing it up!
So I'm feeling fatigued and I go home for lunch, kick up my feet and turn on the TV. (Side note: Daytime television is fantastic because it's completely mindless and thus a perfect remedy for fatigue.) In the middle of Access Hollywood or The Insider (or some other variation) this fabulous commercial came on about tampons, periods and advertising, oh my!
Kotex is launching a new line of feminine products designed for women who are annoyed by getting their periods but would still like their tampons to be pretty (AKA every woman!) So I did as the good advertisers told me and I went to the website for more information.
In a recent survey, 70% of women said they wish society would change the way it talks about vaginal health, but less than half feel like they can do anything about it. U by Kotex* brand wants to help women change the conversation about periods and vaginal care. By bringing it out into the open, we hope that every woman will learn to think differently, talk openly, take charge, help Break the Cycle* and begin to feel comfortable with her body and confident about her personal care.
Kotex, I'd like to personally thank you for trying to open up the conversation about menstruation. As you frequent readers of my glob know, I am pretty open about talking about perioding, however, there are many people in the world who are not. A period is a natural, yet annoying, part of life. So thank you Kotex, for trying to represent vaginal health... even if this is really all just to make a buck. And I must admit those tampons do look very pretty, but I'm going to stick with my Tampax Compak Pearl Tampons... variety pack... unscented! Product placement, what?!
Visit U by Kotex for more information!
Here we are again. Another month, another issue of Cosmopolitan, complete with the latest groundbreaking innovations in sex, fashion and everything female. The June issue features Pink in a Iron Man inspired frock. Since it's Spring Time I've decided to add a new featured column to my monthly Cosmo recaps, look for Trends by month! And a 1, 2, 3 and away we go!
Click the links below to be Cosmoed!
Pink Is A Badass - Pg 46-51
