If you know me ask me to sing a song for you I wrote about lesbians. It's both tender and hysterical! 1. Syncing Up - It's hard enough being around people when you're perioding, it's even harder being around your boyfriend, it's even fucking harder when your boyfriend is actually a woman who also has her period! Kudos to the ladies who can do it, but if it were me, I'd just quote The L Word 24/7, "I hope you bleed soon!" 2. Porn Lesbians vs. Real Lesbians - Porn fantasticizes (yeah I said fantasticizes!) lesbian sex. They usually hire (broke) straight women to do the nasty and the result is something less than accurate. 3. Butch - As all gay men are not Queens, not all lesbians are butch, man-hating, Birkenstock wearing dykes. Dive for 4 more reasons it sucks to go down! 4. The Real L Word - Television didn't stop at ruining gay male culture; now that it sees it has a market with lesbians it's going to exploit them too! TV is swinging more and more lesbian orientation. 5. Artificial Insemination Is Expensive - Yes it might be easier for a lesbian couple to have a child, what the all the uteri (or uteruses, Wikipedia says both plural forms are correct.) However artificial insemination is expensive and not likely to take. 6. Straight Women - Whether it's a straight actress trying to play a lesbian, ie Julianne Moore & Amanda Seyfried in Chloe; or it's drunk girls thinking it's funny to make out with one another, straight women are fucking PITAs! (In case you didn't get that, it's "pain in the ass.") A lot of straight women don't get that "gay for the stay" isn't a sexuality. 7. Lindsay Lohan - No woman does a census bracket more harm than Lindsay Lohan. Going from adorable red-headed child star to flaming fire-crotch, having super-lesbian battles with Samantha Ronson was something no one saw coming. When will it end?!