Whorestumes Well, it's October and that can only mean one thing: it's time for the hos to don their best Whorestumes and brave the nippy winds of Slutoween! Now you all must know that I do not at all agree with Whorestumes, I think they're tacky (not in the good way), ostentatious and a trashy means of getting attention and a poor excuse to look like a prostitute. Yes, I know that was a little harsh, but I feel rather strongly on the subject. However, if you are going to go the slutty route this Hallow's eve, then please, for the love of Satan and all things unholy, please do it right. I'm talking to you, you trashy, spend $40 on a police leotard at Ricky's skank! Put down the plastic package, that outfit doesn't flatter anyone and you'll wake up in the morning with a rash! Back away and get your ass to a lingerie store because you know all you want to do stuff your titties into a corset and call it Trick 'r Treating. So what can you do to class up a classless holiday? I have always said there's a fine line between skanky and sexy and skanky is never a good thing to be. Let's see, who is sexy, classy and most of the times naked? Bettie Paige: Classic pin-up model, Playboy centerfold, BDSM enthusiast and overall old school sex kitten with claws. Be her, she's hot and all you need is black lingerie, heels and that Uma Thurman wig from last year's Pulp Fiction fiasco. Lady Godiva: Nudist, feminist, Rapunzel. Need I say more? Eve: The first woman, responsible for original sin (or so they would have us think) she's basically the original HBIC and she rocks the shit out of a maple leaf. Where To Shop: Best places to get slutty costumes, other than Ricky's (please just don't support that tyranny) are lingerie stores. Get a killer corset; wear it under, wear it over, wear it just as your costume. And let's never forget American Apparel (supporters of sexual harassment in the workplace [but not sweatshops!]) they've got great leotards and lace catsuits that you'll never wear again!