Tag Archives: Britney Spears

Cookies, Film & TV, Music

Britney Will Dance ‘Till The World Ends’… Or For 30 Seconds

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Britney Spears debuted her newest music video today, for Till The World Ends, which should be said is a slightly better song than Hold It Against Me, but taking into account the nauseating amount of brain power it takes to get it unstuck from your mind's playlist, it's probably about equal to anything Rebecca Black could give birth to. (Jesus Christ that was a long sentence.) That being said, I'm sure I'll be singing and dancing to this song by the weekend. Brit's video tells the tale of the fated date in the not so distant future, December 21, 2012, when the Mayans predicted the world will end. Brit is held up in a basement with a few of her most beloved back up dancers, grinding up on one another waiting for apocalypse to come only to realize, upon poking her head out of a manhole, that the sun has come up and indeed she will see another day as a 30 year-old (that's how old Britney will be in 2012.) [vodpod id=Video.5930037&w=425&h=350&fv=] Now we all know that ever since Britney went a little cray-cray, she hasn't been the same pop princess she was in her "virgin" years, but someone took extra special care to cut out all the real Britney dance sequences of her latest vid to prove it. Below is the whole 30 seconds of Britney gyrating to prove, once and for all, that Britney Jean Spears can no longer cut a rug. It's really sad, but we all have to face the music (pun intended) some day and realize that Britney is way too drugged up to shake it like she used to. Either that or she's a drone and they haven't figured out how to give robots rhythm yet. God I hope I can still shake my ass when I'm closing in on my third decade of life. And for reference and good measure, here's Britney in her dancing years. Skip to 1:18 for some serious dance skillz. See the difference?
Music, Sex Ed

Britney Spears Is A Sexual Threat To Her Employees

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One of Britney Spear's former bodyguards is playing the blame game. He wants some money out of the Circus Freak for reportedly sexually harassing him by walking around naked and trying to seduce him. A source (which is basically another word for an intern who made up the story) said,
She was always giving him the come on and he felt if he didn't reciprocate he could lose his job. He finally handed in his notice last week and is considering legal action. Working for Britney is tough. She's a nightmare to deal with and her emotions are totally out of control. She runs round the house naked and yelling at staff. All her guards knew they could be removed if they looked at her the wrong way. Unfortunately for Fernando, she took a liking to him, so he was under more pressure than most. He wanted to be a good security guard and look after her but the situation became unbearable.
Judging from the foul nature of the situation, I'm sure that the unnamed bodyguard is going to be asking for some money, you know for having to see Brit Brit in her birthday suit. I remember the first time I saw her cesarian scar I needed to give my eyeballs a good scrub and a half. It's really too bad though, this could have been the love affair of the century, even better than Kevin Costner and Whitney Houston in that movie, what was it called again? Via Dlisted
Beauty

You Too Can Look Like The Cast Of “Twilight”

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From the creators of Vajazzling, Completely Bare offers a Sculpted Tan for those who wish to skip the gym. Click Here The sculpted tan basically makes you look like you have muscles, cleavage, ect when you're really just a flat-chested fatty. I'm sorry that was harsh... but so is this. The point of having muscles is so we can hunt/gather/ward off tigers, but now with modern technology, we have machines/poor people to do that stuff for us (also harsh, but true.) We've evolved to the point that we don't need muscle definition anymore, except for the point of attracting others and getting down, which... if you're getting down, your lovah is going to see your enormous breasts are actually an optical illusion, or even worse, your abs might rub off on some poor, unexpecting body part. But, if you must, just know that you are not alone, Britney Spears, Mariah Carey and Robert Pattinson have all sported faux-abs.