Tag Archives: sculpted tan

You Too Can Look Like The Cast Of “Twilight”

From the creators of Vajazzling, Completely Bare offers a Sculpted Tan for those who wish to skip the gym. Click Here The sculpted tan basically makes you look like you have muscles, cleavage, ect when you're really just a flat-chested fatty. I'm sorry that was harsh... but so is this. The point of having muscles is so we can hunt/gather/ward off tigers, but now with modern technology, we have machines/poor people to do that stuff for us (also harsh, but true.) We've evolved to the point that we don't need muscle definition anymore, except for the point of attracting others and getting down, which... if you're getting down, your lovah is going to see your enormous breasts are actually an optical illusion, or even worse, your abs might rub off on some poor, unexpecting body part. But, if you must, just know that you are not alone, Britney Spears, Mariah Carey and Robert Pattinson have all sported faux-abs.