You're wondering where I've been and all I can say to you is that I've been busy. I could fill you in on all the gory details of the past year but thats not why you clicked this post. You're reading this because you're like me and you've at last been released from television pergatory to only be welcomed into the kingdom of our savior Walter White. Yes Breaking Bad season 5 premiered last night on AMC and it was a glorious, albeit somewhat befuddling return. The episode opens with Walt, our father of the blue crystal, rearranging some bacon into a 52, because, guess what? Its his b-day! (Or at least the birthday of his new identity) and everyone knows you eat for free at Denny's when its your birthday and you sign an integrated marketing contract. What's worse than the blatant advertising ploy, most likely a result of AMC initially trying to can BB because of the high production costs, is the amount of hair on Bryan Cranston's head. Walt appears to no longer be in the 7th circle of hell aka Arizona and meets up with some rando guy in the bathroom and gives him an envelope. So much mystery already. Where are Skylar and the kids? What state is this Denny's in? Why is Walt tossing the bald look? The plot thickens as Walt goes to the parking lot and pops open the trunk of (not his) a car to find a BIG ASS gun and some instruction manuals. Cue opening sequence! Welcome to Season 5! JUMP FOR MORE BREAKING BAD RECAP-I-NESS!!! We return to right after Gus goes boom, Skyler is still annoying and mostly useless as ever. While Hank is still hobbeling around the case of the blue meth. Apparently hasmat suits now come paired with stylish walkers for the every day DEA agent exploring a giant exploded meth lab. And it wouldn't be BB if Hank didn't stumble across something that totally harshed the mellows of the three bald wisemen. Walt and Jesse find Mike, who's still really pissed off about the whole blowing up Gus thing and is ready to kill Walt and give Jesse some dad-like advice, 'cuase 'ya know, they're BFFs. But before Mike can pull the trigger, Walt reminds him that the police have Gus' laptop with the video record he kept of all the meth making/dealing. Mike grumbles and agrees to go on a road trip to Jesse's house where the baldies try to figure out a way to keep the cops from seeing the tapes. Being the genius that he is, Jesse asks, "What about magnets yo? Like every time I put my cell phone next to my metrocard that shit can't swipe for like 3 days!" Sorry, NYC reference. But it's so crazy it might just work! Like any man of science, Walt wants to test out Jesse's theory, of course, at a scrap yard. In another fit of AMC's attempt to lower their bottom line, they wreak a shitty Dell computer with the test magnet and it works! Meanwhile, in another storyline Saul goes to Skyler to tell her that, guess what, Ted, the rere that tripped his way, head first into a bannister, is actually not dead like we all thought, he's awake! And he looks like Pinhead. But it's all good because Skyler's goons scared the shit out of him when he got all paralyzed and shaved down so he won't be spreading any news about the Whites anytime soon. Later, Jesse and Walt head over to the police station and park their sketchy ass truck next to the evidence room and turn the magnet on full blast, ripping the evidence room apart and rendering Gus' evidence laden laptop in smithereens. But wait, it appears that all the flying of evidence broke one of Gus' pretty picture frames, revealing some scribble scratch that will probably come back to haunt our heroes later on in the season. But for now, Walt is none the wiser and returns home to hug his wife. With a fairly solid season opener, we're left wondering what the scribble scratch could mean, is it a stash of evidence, a stash of money, a stash of Gus' DNA so he can be reanimated only to continue tormenting Walt? The possibilities are endless. But what I'm still curious about is how that curly mop got on Walt's head and when it's going to go back to where it came from?!