{"id":4110,"date":"2016-04-01T14:48:56","date_gmt":"2016-04-01T18:48:56","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.radioactivecookies.com\/?p=4110"},"modified":"2016-04-26T10:56:26","modified_gmt":"2016-04-26T14:56:26","slug":"practical-will-pericles-prince-of-tyre","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.radioactivecookies.com\/practical-will-pericles-prince-of-tyre\/","title":{"rendered":"Practical Will: Pericles, Prince of Tyre"},"content":{"rendered":"

Pericles, Prince of Tyre<\/strong>\nA Comedy* by William Shakespeare<\/p>\n\n

It's a seafaring adventure with Pirates y'all! So\u00a0Pericles is a Prince who parties his way over to Antioch and figures out that the\u00a0King is incesting\u00a0with his daughter, gross. Pericles now has a hit out on him, so he takes to the high seas, and gets washed up in Pentopolis, where the Princess Thaisa is up for grabs at a jousting tournament. Pericles enters and wins, of course. Fast-forward, she\u00a0gets\u00a0knocked up and they decide to move. So they set sail and Thaisa gives birth during a very nasty storm, and ends up \"dying\" during childbirth. The shipmates are superstitious about having a dead body aboard so they make Pericles throw her over. Pericles makes a really nice coffin with all her jewels and shit and tosses his Queen overboard, cold. Pericles can't even think about being a single dad so he sails his new baby, Marina, over to his bro's island and asks him and his wife to care for\u00a0her. Meanwhile, Thaisa's coffin washes up on shore and some dudes find her and work some magic to bring her back to life. Now Thaisa thinks her daughter is dead and her husband is gone for good, so she becomes a nun, because what else would she do?<\/p>\n\n

Fast-forward again, Marina is 14 and the people her pops dropped her off with are not cool. In fact, they are planning to kill her but she's suddenly kidnapped by Pirates, yes PIRATES! They sell her to a brothel, because as a noble 14-year-old virgin, she's a hot commodity. But Marina refuses to whore herself for some reason, she's threatened with rape constantly, but every time she's alone with a man, she somehow talks them out of it. Meanwhile, Pericles gets word that the King and Queen of Antioch are dead and he can return as King of Tyre, he's like, \"Great! Let me just pick up my daughter and we out!\" But when he goes to his bro's island, he's like, \"Sorry, she dead.\"<\/p>\n\n

Pericles is pissed, he thinks his wife and daughter are dead. Some dude overhears and is like, \"Yo, I've got just the thing to cheer you up, I've got the ill brothel hook up.\" So this guy brings Pericles to, none other than, Marina, gross. Pericles and Marina have a pity off, where Marina reveals her parents' names, Pericles can't believe he's reunited with his daughter, and just in time not to have sex with her! Pericles then faints and has a vision telling him to go to this temple, which he does obviously, because why are you\u00a0not going to listen to the Gods? So Pericles goes to the temple where Thaisa is and tells the nuns his story, apparently he can't recognize his wife, but she sees him and is like, \"Hey dumbass, I'm alive, thanks for throwing me off your fucking ship! You're going to be sleeping on the couch for a while!\" And so Pericles is reunited with his wife and daughter, returns to Tyre as King, and lives happily ever after.<\/p>\n\n*Shakespeare canon is split up into Tragedies, Comedies and Histories, however Pericles' classification has been debated and is sometimes put into a separate Romances category.","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Pericles, Prince of Tyre A Comedy* by William Shakespeare It’s a seafaring adventure with Pirates y’all! So\u00a0Pericles is a Prince who parties his way over to Antioch and figures out that the\u00a0King is incesting\u00a0with his daughter, gross. Pericles now has a hit out on him, so he takes to the high seas, and gets washed … Continue reading Practical Will: Pericles, Prince of Tyre<\/span> →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":4130,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"spay_email":"","footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":""},"categories":[7],"tags":[1272,1270,1243,1271,1273,1242],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i2.wp.com\/www.radioactivecookies.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/04\/Pericles-1.png?fit=719%2C439&ssl=1","jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7mvJg-14i","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":3557,"url":"https:\/\/www.radioactivecookies.com\/practical-will-the-taming-of-the-shrew\/","url_meta":{"origin":4110,"position":0},"title":"Practical Will: Taming of the Shrew","date":"March 16, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"The Taming of the Shrew a Comedy by William Shakespeare It's a play within a play! 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